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I became a slave to my darkest emotions and fears. The sorrow I felt had no outlet.
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I needed him to listen and show that he cared about how I felt – to look me in the eyes and be present so I’d know he had my back. But this wasn't something he knew how to do.
Anytime life got to be more than I could bear, I found comfort knowing food was available to me when I wanted it. I would eat even when I wasn’t hungry.
I would daydream about someone seeing my flaws and loving me anyway. It took me a long time to find my identity in something that goes beyond my skills or appearance.
The intimacy porn promised was proving to be an illusion. I was trapped, wanting the fix without the consequences – the pleasure without feeling ashamed.
As the years went on, the fight for purity in our relationship only got more and more difficult.
My past kept haunting me. I had to face the secret that was hidden deep inside my heart.
I felt totally alone and completely misunderstood. I thought the only way to numb the pain was to kill myself.